Sexual Potency – Part 5


There are a few specific movements that assist the movement of the sexual energy and the most important one is to squeeze the Pelvic floor muscles. These are located between the pubic bone and the sacrum. Most women know how to activate their pelvic floor muscles, for men, imagine your testicles hitting icy cold water and pull them up.

There are a few specific movements that assist the movement of the sexual energy and the most important one is to squeeze the Pelvic floor muscles. These are located between the pubic bone and the sacrum. Most women know how to activate their pelvic floor muscles, for men, imagine your testicles hitting icy cold water and pull them up.

Mix and Match…


So it’s a combination of playing with the breath and squeezing the pelvic floor muscle. There is no set way of doing the breath and movement. You can’t do it the whole time you are having sex because you will be exhausted.

When you squeeze the pelvic floor muscles what this does is push the sexual energy through the body. If your body is relaxed during the sexual experience and not locked then the energy can move around which creates a very different orgasmic experience.

This can open both men and women up to experiencing more!


For men it means that they can start to experience way much more. The orgasm, ejaculation experience can be much more intense and they can start to experience body orgasms. From here there are other techniques that can be learned to bring about multiple orgasms and ejaculation choice. For women it can help you to open your body for more pleasure, to experience body and multiple orgasms. Squeezing the pelvic floor muscles makes your orgasm stronger which leads to a different experience. The great thing is that by doing this you intensify your orgasmic experience by awakening your sexual energy.

Total surrender…


The more connected you are to yourself the more you can experience in your sexual journey. Letting go of outcomes and allowing the body and your being to unravel at its own pace will contribute to your experience. Sex is more than something you do, something you participate in just because it feels good. Sex is an energy that you can learn to open up to and allow. It’s about being in total surrender to the moment and experiencing the bliss. Be in your body and allow the infinite possibilities to unravel.

Enjoy and have fun!

Sexual Potency – Part 4


The way of tapping into your sexual energy and awakening it to its full potency is through breath and movement and being present in your body and not in your head.

We need to manipulate the Autonomic Nervous System


The Autonomic Nervous System is divided into 2 parts: The Sympathetic Nervous System and the Parasympathetic Nervous System.

The sympathetic nervous system up regulates the body to prepare it to flee to safety when in danger. The Parasympathetic Nervous system down regulates the body to return it to the ability to rest and repair.

So basically the sympathetic nervous system ramps you up and the parasympathetic slows you down.

When your Sympathetic Nervous System is activated, it gets your whole system moving. You become more alert, your pupils dilate, you breathe more quickly, your heart beats faster and blood starts moving around the muscles. Your blood sugar rises and your internal anal and urethral sphincters constrict.

When the Parasympathetic Nervous System is activated, it slows you down, your breath and heart beat slow down, your pupils constrict, the blood moves to the core, the internal anal and urethral sphincters relax as does the whole skeleton.

When we are having sex we are usually in the Sympathetic Nervous system, because we are getting aroused and moving towards orgasm. We need to manipulate the nervous system by activating the Parasympathetic Nervous System.

Meditation during sex? What….


I know it sounds weird to slow your system down when you’re in your sexual experience however this allows the body to rest, even for just a minute and that can then kick your orgasmic system into another level and ultimately bring you to having a deeper sexual experience and allowing you to connect deeper with yourself and/or partner.

It’s all about the breath


We do this through activating our breath. To up regulate or to activate the Sympathetic Nervous system we do a variety of quick, fast breaths, usually through the mouth. We have to be careful to not lock our jaws tight and to breathe faster in a slightly relaxed manner. We have to be careful to not hyper-ventilate. Sometimes when people first start playing with this type of breathing they can experience pins and needles or locking up of the hands. This is called tetany and occurs due to blockages with the energy. When this happens, bring your breath back to normal. If you keep going you will end up with a hand that looks like the claw! temporarily only.

To activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System, we down regulate with our breath. Simply taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling. If we can bring some sound into the exhale that gives a vibration in the throat which can activate the sexual energy more. There is no set pattern, just start to play with it.

Activating the Pelvic Floor for more pleasure…

Sexual Potency – Part 3





What’s going on when you self pleasure?


First off, are you self pleasuring and if not, why not? Often when people get into relationships, they automatically stop self pleasuring because their sexual needs are being met by the person they are with. Or they think they shouldn’t or they feel guilty because they are now in a relationship.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, I believe self pleasuring is extremely important for you as an individual. It’s about taking your sexuality and your sexual experiences for you, for a myriad of reasons. Self love, self care, self nourishment, health, own expression and connection. Ultimately we are all responsible for our own sexual experiences, for bringing our own pleasure to ourselves. We need to know what we like, how we like to be touched, what awakens us and not delegate our sexual requirements to someone else to “take care of,” all the time.

It’s all about love


Self love is so important, if we can’t love ourselves fully in every aspect, including sexually, then how can we expect someone else to.

Single people often just pack up shop and close the door and don’t go there whilst they are single. The danger with that is, that you are shutting your libido down, burying it and when you do that all sorts of complications can come in. Your emotions get shut down, your health can be effected, you can become sick and for men erectile function can be effected.

Our sexual energy is our life force


When you are not utilizing your sexual energy, you are not living, you are existing!

So for a moment, think about how you self pleasure. Do you always go for the same style, techniques, little tricks to get you there? Do you reach for the top draw and automatically pull out your toys and go straight to the genitals? Do you put on a porn movie to get you going? What is your habit? What is your pattern?

When we become aware of what our patterns are, we can then look at new ways to awaken ourselves up.

There is lots of different things we can do with regards to touch and how we can self pleasure differently through friction based sex which can change your sexual experience.

Breath and Movement……..

Sexual Potency – Part 2




We also disconnect from ourselves due to shame and guilt, from previous experiences, perhaps one of them being busted for masturbating by a parent when we were young or a partner and made to feel guilty by our partner, because “they” should be enough. We also disconnect because we can’t handle to much pleasure, (crazy, I know), so we block and limit ourselves.

We also disconnect from our sexual experience if we watch too much porn. When we engage
with porn on a consistent basis we are externalizing, which disconnects us from ourselves. There are ways to utilize porn in your sexual play where you can stay connected to yourself.

We not only disconnect from our bodies, we also create a massive disconnection from our hearts and genitals, it’s almost like they come from 2 different locations

So how does this disconnection effect us?


What it does is keeps us in our heads, which doesn’t allow the natural sexual energy to flow.

Sex has become goal orientated and action driven and everyone wants a bigger, better, more potent sexual experience than the last time.

If we looked at a graph for sex, at one end would be Joy and Bliss and at the other end there would be excitement. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, however there is a lot of pleasure being missed out on in between because we are all busy in our heads, consciously or sub-consciously going through our check lists.

We’re planning what we are going to do next. We’re busy focusing on what we are doing instead of focusing on the experience.

As a society we are always chasing more and in sex it’s no different. Sex is an energy and when we learn how to manipulate the energy, we can take our erotic pleasure beyond anything we can even imagine!



Most people focus on genital, friction based sex which is fantastic. Some people are better at it than others and require some guidance and there is always more you can learn. We also become creatures of habits in our lives and in sex it’s no different. We get into the patterns of liking it in a certain way, a certain position, doing it the same and that’s great for awhile, yet it can also become a bit too familiar, a bit too same, same. That’s when boredom can set in and we can find ourselves in a funk, not really interested in sex as much and then after awhile, our libido can start to drop and it can become a real effort.

What’s going on…?

Sexual Potency – Part 1


Just for a moment, take some time to think about how you have sex.


– How do you experience it?
– What goes on in your body?
– What feelings and emotions do you feel?
– What thoughts are occurring for you whilst you’re in the middle of it?
– Where is your focus?

That’s quite a bit to think about isn’t it?


Imagine what it would be like to awaken yourself, to be able to experience sex at a level that is beyond your comprehension. Opening yourself to fully engage with your sexuality so that you can reach the sexual potential that is your birth right as a human being.
Would you be willing to do that?

Most people when they are having sex are not connected, grounded or present with themselves let alone their partner. This is a recipe for massive disconnection which then restricts how you and your body engages and responds during a sexual experience.

Checking out….


Many people check out of their bodies when they’re having sex and the reason they do that is varied and is not something we are often conscious of. It can be as simple as a habit; you’re experiencing an orgasm, so you shut your eyes & go off somewhere into the cosmos. There is nothing wrong with doing this, however when your eyes are closed you disconnect from self and your partner. So just open your eyes occasionally, look at your partner, connect. It can also come from lack of self worth and self esteem. On a sub-conscious level we put limits on our sexual pleasure, crazy I know! A woman may think, “oh finally I had one”, so they stop. A man believes he’s done because he’s ejaculated and stops.

Get out of your head..


We are in our heads a lot, wondering what we look like, self consciousness comes into it as well. Maybe a woman doesn’t like going on top because as she bounces around having a good time, so is the rest of her body which makes her feel self conscious, so she’ll disconnect from herself. The reality of it is the person underneath you doesn’t care, they are loving it. Guys on a sub-conscious level are wondering if they are good enough, man enough, if their penis enough, can they get the woman to orgasm…it’s like a mission and we end up with a whole lot of “to do lists” of got to do this, before we can do that and so it’s like this eternal search for more.

So while all this is going on….

Pussy Talks – What’s It All About?

flower vag 2 Episode 4, 28 March 2017

In this interview I talk with Special Guest, The Pussy Talks:  The Production of Peace on Earth Founder, Mukee Okan.

Mukee Okan is the creator of The Pussy Talks™ and is the embodiment of what life looks like when humanity is free from sexual shame.

In this episode, we talked about what The Pussy Talks is all about. Which is

• Enhancing the sexual well being of humanity. 
• That is possible being at peace with the power of sex
• What is possible for you, your life, your relationships? 
• How your sexual energy is your most potent and natural healing medicine


A documentary with a Very Big difference?


The documentary shows up close footage of women’s vulva’s with the woman talking about her pussy and her relationship to it as well as asking what her pussy would like to say. It’s incredible on many levels as women connect to their genitals, feel into their experience and share from a very personal and sometimes vulnerable place.

The beauty with this documentary is that it shows the varieties of women’s vulvas and how each has their own individuality in relation to what their inner labia looks like and their clitoris.

Listen to the Replay –

Download the Full Episode –…/the-intimacy-whisperer-with-…

I believe everyone who watches the pussy talks will learn a great deal, not only about “pussy’s”, they will also have huge takeaways about their own relationship to vulvas’s, whether it’s their own or others in general.

For more information about this please go to 

A Shamanic Native American Indian Teaching


I also ask about Mukee’s role as a teacher of the Quodoshka teachings and what it’s all about. Quodoshka is a matriarchal shamanic lineage, teaching which in essence is the understanding of how our sexual energy is our life force.

Quodoshka 1 is based on what was the rights of passage for young boys and girls transitioning into adult women and men and focuses on self. Learning to let go of past experiences.

Quodoshka 2 is more about the balance of the masculine and the feminine within and without, not your sexual preference. It’s about relating to the receptive and active side in relating to the world. Learning to let go of the future focus and the angry man and woman.

Quodoshka 3 is how you function in relationship and laying aside the past and future and being present with your partner and yourself in all aspects of your being.

The Quodoshka teachings are worldwide and have been taught for over 30 years. 

We also discussed her being a part of the Institute of Professional Surrogates Association in California and what this role entails as a therapist, involving sensate focus practices.

Mukee has over 30 years experience in the areas of sex, sex education, coaching and is a wealth of information. It was such an honour to talk with her this morning and I am very grateful for having met Mukee in 2009 at a Quodoshka workshop, which had a profound effect on me and put me on this path that I am currently on as a sexual educator and coach.

It is a fabulous conversation!

Listen to the Replay –

Download the Full Episode –…/the-intimacy-whisperer-with-…

Kink, BDSM & Adult Fantasy Play


leather cuffs and a whip on a chainEpisode 1, 17 January 2017

In this Virgin Premiere show I interview Aleena Aspley, who is a Somatic Sexologist and the owner of Kinkassage®.

Here’s the link:  (please note there a few ads at the start)

Intrigued? Curious?


So was I and I wanted to explore with Aleena a little bit about her world and how she brings this to her clients. She incorporates the Kink & Bondage worlds with erotic massage all designed to open the client up to experiencing pleasure in ways they have not experienced it before.

We talk in depth about her business and what’s involved with her work. What I love about this interview is that our conversation is so natural and just flows. We both just happen to work in the world of intimacy and sex and it’s all just another day for us.

This was definately an intriguing, steamy and thought provoking episode with an honest and open discussion about sex.

In this episode, learn;

• What Kinkassage® and Domme Kinkassage® is?
• BDSM & Kink is all about in all it’s forms
• The mindset of those involved in BDSM & Kink.
• How men can be multi orgasmic

We also discuss how people can start playing in this area at home and provide some great starting points which include:

– How to play safely
– How communication is essential
– How to discuss your requirements as the receiver and giver
– Being clear with your agreements

If these guidelines are not set up then trust cannot be there and this is paramount for this type of play.

We also talk about how the person receiving can go into a very altered state and how important the after care is.

So have I sparked your interest? Do you want to find out more?


Well dive in and have a listen to this interview:  (please note there a few ads at the start)

Let me know what you think?

What I love about this interview is that:

– We talk so openly about sex in all aspects
– We could explore the world of BDSM & Kink and talk about different aspects of that
– That we were able to provide some guidelines to begin these practices at home safely
– We talked about the fact that men can be multi orgasmic and what that looks like
– Plus we touched on a few other topics as well!

Have a listen and then let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your feedback.

Next interview will be announced shortly on Facebook and will be live on Tuesday, 31st January at 9am Qld time and 3pm USA.

PS: If there are any topics you’d like discussed, please let me know. And if you have someone you think that would be great for me to interview, please also let me know. xx

Pussy Play – A Workshop for Men



There really is so much more to turning your woman on than just rubbing away in that one spot & going in & out…in & out…in & out…

In this really fun workshop you will:

* Become empowered with your exploration of the feminine
* Learn what really turns us on
* Have a better understanding of the female anatomy and how to turn us on in ways they didn’t know were possible!
* Learn heaps of sexy cool things you can do to bring more intimacy and more arousal for both of you
* Go hunting & find where that Gspot is hiding & tips to awaken it
* Find out some amazing techniques for giving your woman the most mind blowing oral sex ever, that will have her begging you for more

Plus learn some new techniques to bring more arousal to your own body

Plus all your questions around sex answered and so much more!

There will be no nudity or sexually explicit practice, however you will need to bring a towel 🙂

Bookings essential: AMAZING VALUE AT ONLY $69.00

Book via Eventbrite:

What’s a Sex Headache?

young upset couple lying in a bed having problem

young upset couple lying in a bed having problem

Well it’s true sex headaches exist and it’s not the old saying of “honey, not tonight, I’ve got a headache”.

Sex headaches can be completely debilitating and there are 2 types of sex headaches. It can start as a dull ache in the head and neck which can intensify as sexual excitement increases. Or it can be a sudden severe throbbing headache that occurs just before or at orgasm. Unfortunately, sometimes both types can occur at once. These headaches can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours and in extreme cases several days.

This would be enough to put anyone off having sex!


What Can You Do About it?

If this is occurring the first thing to do is to see a doctor so they can run tests to ensure that there is no bleeding from the brain or any other problems with the vessels in the brain.

Other contributing causes can be glaucoma, strokes, coronary arterial dysfunction and sinus infections.
Other side symptoms can be vomiting, visual and sensory loss and motor disturbances.

What Things Put You at Potential Risk?

Some of the risk factors can be obesity, stress, migraine history, history of arterial disease, marijuana, amyl nitrate and some other drugs can contribute as well as obesity.

What can be done?

How can you treat these awful sex headaches. Well conventional medicine will give you a range of medications which may or may not help.

When I’ve been presented with this problem, I look at the person’s history, when it started to see if there are emotional patterns that are contributing as well as any history of surgeries, injuries or falls and what condition the neck and tail bone are in. There could potentially be internal adhesions which can travel from the site of injury through layers of muscle and tissues and can attach to ligaments, joints, fascia and tendons. These can create all sorts of issues within the body and could be a contributing factor.

How do they express their orgasm?


I would also want to know the sexual and orgasmic history. Most people, when they orgasm, clench their jaw, hold their breath and tighten their body. I would look at teaching how to connect more into the sexual energy using breath and movement to allow the body to open more rather than contract, which will allow the blood to flow through the body as well as allowing the sexual energy to flow more.

Get in The Body and not the Head

When you learn to connect into your body more, you become more present and aware which can help you to see how you are blocking the flow of energy and this will reduce the “sex headaches” and alleviate them all together.

If you experience this problem, please connect with me Intimacy Whisperer ®

Intimacy After Pregnancy

Intimacy Saving your sex life after have a baby can be a challenge. Suddenly you are a mum and have new demands on you and your body. Your relationship to your sexuality changes and your focus is solely on your baby. You have days where you are exhausted and don’t even get to have a shower, let alone get dressed. These are things that are going to contribute to you not feeling interested, let alone sexy.

Some of the challenges you may be experiencing

* Hormones all over the place
* Sleep deprived
* Confusion
* Guilt
* Disconnected from your partner
* Possible prolapse
* Scar tissue from having an episotomy or an C-section and other birth injuries
* Traumatic or painful birth
* Depression
* Breast feeding problems
* Complete lack of libido
* Fatigue
* Birth plan, not going to plan

What About Including Sex in your Birth Plan

It would be fantastic if part of the birth plan was to have a discussion around how to remain intimate and reconnect sexually after baby, but for some reason that is usually completely over looked by everyone.

Feeling Left Out

Your partner is possibly feeling a little excluded and confused as well. He wants to have sex but is scared it will hurt you. Maybe you’ve tried to have sex and it was painful, so you’re scared to go there again. (Please do not put up with having painful sex, this can complicate things further down the track and you may need to see a Sexological Body worker). Also when a new baby arrives, mums are usually consumed with them and so your conversations with your partner are solely about baby things and not much else.

How to get passed the problem


The first thing is to acknowledge how you are both feeling and to talk about it. It might not fix the situation but at least it’s being discussed and not ignored. This way both partner’s feel they are being heard. Often women want to have intimacy and sex, but something has shifted and they don’t want it the same way they used to any more. It’s important to be able to talk about all of these things and to actually say what you are wanting. Often it’s a good idea to take penetrative sex off the table for awhile and also have less focus on orgasm and ejaculation and look at new ways to connect and slowly rebuild the intimacy again which will then lead to penetrative sex when the time is right.

Sometims you have to work at re-creating intimacy



Don’t dump on your partner the minute they get home, you may have had a tough day and be lacking sleep however they possibly are also lacking sleep and have had a stressful day out in the world working at what they do.  Give them space too to unwind from their day before asking for help.  Create space to connect together – have a big heart felt hug. Breathe together and discuss what works for you, what you require and create agreements about how to move forward with ease and grace

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