Published Articles

PUTTING THE ‘X’ FACTOR BACK IN SEX

 

When I read this title, all I can think of is WOW, so many things to choose from to literally put the WOW back into sex! If you are at that point where sex has become a bit ho hum, it’s time to stop and look firstly at why that’s happening and then take some action to lift your game.

Maybe your libido has taken a bit of a holiday & you’ve lost your mojo. So do a quick check – what’s happening with your health & diet, what’s going on emotionally for you? Are you on any medications which could affect you?
Perhaps however you’re just bored with the same routines and moves, which can tend to happen. So now it’s time to bust out some new moves. So here’s a selection of some of my favourites, which are guaranteed to put the X back into SEX.

1. Gather up some goodies to play with so you can create new sensations and feelings. You don’t have to spend a fortune and you may find some things around the house you can bring into the bedroom. Here’s a few ideas; a piece of silk (scarf)….. good for draping over the body gently or tying up with or putting over the eyes for a mask, feathers, furry fabric, bowl of ice. So now you’ve got these goodies gathered, start experimenting and playing with them….let your imagination go…..create boundaries with each other, especially if you are tying your partner up – just make it sensual and erotic and get your partner into a state that has them begging you for more luscious play.

2. Role play also brings some spice back into the bedroom. You can either go all out and dress up in an outfit and play the role or just pretend to be someone different. You can become very creative, for example go out to a bar and pretend to pick the other one up for a one night stand.

3. Set the room up to give your partner an erotic massage. Have some candles lit, soft music playing, put some towels down and have some really good quality natural oil ready to go. Make sure the oil isn’t cold and slowly pour it onto their body, especially over the genitals and then start to experiment with touch and give extra attention to the genitals as well. Nothing feels more erotic than having your genitals slathered in oil and being teased and touched – again it’s about experimenting and trying new moves.

4. Send naughty text messages through the day, to build the anticipation for that night. Let them know you are feeling…..aroused and can’t wait to see them……ask them what are you up to and tell them you are naked! You get the idea……..Even if you’ve got kids you can still play with this. When they get home you can still keep the anticipation going till the kids go to bed. You can whisper things in their ear, “I’ve got no knickers on”…..or “hope you’ve got lots of energy tonight”. All of these things build anticipation and with anticipation, the lust and desire builds.

5. If you always are having sex in the bed – find new places in the house, in the backyard. You could even set up a space in the lounge room with pillows & blankets, soft lights. If your partner has a van, go parking by the river. Jump in the shower together and start soaping each up, this is great foreplay which we forget about sometimes as we get into the routine of life.

When your sex life is pumping it creates an energy within you which ripples out & effects all areas of your life. Your sexual energy is your life force so it’s vital to your health & emotional well being.

 

Now contributing monthly as an ‘InShape News Columnist’ www.inshapenewsflash.com

 


 

DEALING WITH SEXUAL ASSAULT OR ABUSE

 

This is such a big topic and ultimately everyone will deal with it in their own unique way and this is part of the journey to healing. There are so many ways that people will react to having experienced this, from anger and rage, turning to drugs or alcohol, depression and anxiety, food, guilt and shame, to name a few of the reactive places someone will go to after experiencing such trauma. Some people will carry this with them all their lives as a burden and others will step through the pain and have successful and happy lives.

Nobody can tell someone who has been through this how they should be, feel, or act – it is such an individual process.

One thing I’ve noticed over the years of sitting in circles with women, is that in those circles, nearly 1/3 of the women had been sexually abused. I was always completely blown away by that fact and was grateful that I hadn’t experienced anything as traumatic as rape, sexual assault or abuse.

Yet sexual assault and abuse can come in many forms. Some are more violent than others and some are more subtle. Some occur by strangers and others are done by fathers, brothers and boyfriends. When you are a child, you may or may not be aware that it is wrong what is happening to you. When you are with a partner you can still be coerced and pushed into having sex when you don’t want to, which is a form of abuse.

It was only very recently when I was doing a workshop, that something was triggered deep within me, something I knew that had occurred a very long time ago but brushed it lightly aside. The reality was that I had been sexually abused however never acknowledged it as such because it wasn’t rape and it wasn’t aggressive. What it was though was manipulation and coersion when I was quite young and for whatever reason I was unable to say, NO, I don’t like that. Instead I just endured it many times. So that was quite a revelation for me and so once I realised that this had actually occurred with me, I set about doing some intensive healing to shift this experience from my system. I feel very lucky that I was able to acknowledge it, shift it and heal it very quickly. Unfortunately this is not always the case for most people.

What I have discovered in my practice as an Intimacy & Sexuality Coach is that probably half the women I have seen, have been sexually abused. In these instances most of them have been young children and the way they have handled it has been very different, yet it has effected them their whole lives.

Emotions are confused, guilt creeps in, thinking that perhaps they deserved it or that something is wrong with them and it can also can affect their current sexual lives and intimate relationships.

Thankfully the women that come to see me are aware enough that there are things not really working for them in their life. They are aware that certain behaviors occurring in their lives are stemmed from this abuse and they want to make changes within themselves so they can be happy and live fulfilling lives. They are aware that they want to let go of the pain and leave it in the past, so that they can move forward. The problem is they don’t know how to.

So by talking and delving into the period around the abuse and looking at all aspects of their lives, I begin to work with them on the unconscious level using NLP to create shifts and changes to help them move forward in their lives. Everyone responds to different techniques in different ways. Sometimes I will use energy work to help the body heal as it also holds memories in the cellular level as well as working with the emotional aspects.

I think the most important thing is to find someone you can confide in and talk to.

At the end of the day the effects of sexual abuse can be devastating however you can work through the pain and come to a place of healing. It’s important though to not stay in the victim mindset and seek help to take you to a place of healing and forgiveness, not only forgiveness for yourself but for the perpetrator as well and that is sometimes the hardest thing to hear.

 

Now contributing monthly as an ‘InShape News Columnist’ www.inshapenewsflash.com


THE ART OF FOREPLAY

 

The definition in the dictionary of foreplay is sexual stimulation prior to sex.

However what the dictionary doesn’t take into account is the obvious differences between the masculine and the feminine.

How the woman comes from the heart space and the man from the genital space, so somewhere inbetween there has to be communication. Every woman and man has different desires and needs so it’s the navigation between these that can become the tricky part. What worked in a previous relationship may not work in the current one, so it’s about exploring, trying different things and not becoming static with “your moves”.

Most women desire an emotional, heart space connection first before getting down to the sexual foreplay. Whilst yes sometimes it’s great to be grabbed and thrown down on the kitchen table and be devoured, we don’t want that all the time! Men like to be acknowledged as well and secretly like to be told how great it is when they do something. Acknowledgement goes a long way.

3 Hot Juicy Tips for the Men

“♥     Women like to talk, we like our brains turned on. So start at the beginning of the day. Send a sexy text, tell her she looks beautiful, do the dishes, just pay attention to her in some way. Have some communication of some sort. If you ignore her all day and then expect sex when you fall into bed, chances are it won’t happen.

♥     Undress her slowly, as you take each layer off it exposes just that little bit more and pay attention to those bits, tease her. Anticipation is a huge turn on.

♥     Don’t go straight for the obvious, we don’t want our breasts grabbed or fingers being inserted straight away. We usually like a slow dance and lead up. Touch with light caress, kiss and nibble our necks and our tummys, just explore our bodies slowly and learn to watch for the signals. Tune into our breath and get a sense of when to touch our breasts. As we get warmed up you will notice when it’s time to move down the body. There are lots of erogenous spots all around our vagina, so explore it with fingers, tongues, kisses & gentle nibbles, apply different pressures. You will know by our reaction when it’s time to move from foreplay to intercourse. Just remember some women will take longer to reach orgasm than others.

3 Hot Juicy Tips for the Women

♥     Undress your partner slowly, if he’s standing up, move around him caressing him as you go. Tell him he can’t touch you yet……build the anticipation. Once he’s naked you can sit him down on the bed or chair and then do a slow strip tease, again let him look but not touch…..turn around and let him really look at you, that is a huge turn on for him or leave your lingerie on for awhile….mix it up and see what works.

♥     Once your partner is naked, instead of sitting him down, stand behind him and start to caress his back and chest, kiss and lick him. Even wriggle your body up and down him. Move your hands down his body and grab his penis from behind him and hold it as if it were him holding it….let your hands start to play slowly.

♥     When you start to give your man oral use your hands as well as your mouth. There is more than a penis down there so explore with pressure and touch both with hands and mouth, he will love it.

 

At the end of the day if you want a happy, healthy sex life with your partner it needs to be communicated. Tell them when you like something, guide them when you desire something and remember to play and explore. It’s not about how many orgasms you have as a women or how long you can hold off for if you are a man. Unfortunately society is to fixated on this. Sex is a beautiful journey so enjoy it, get out of your head and not worry about the outcome.

 

Now contributing monthly as an ‘InShape News Columnist’ www.inshapenewsflash.com


HOW TO INCREASE YOUR LIBIDO

 

One of my absolute passions is teaching how to raise the libido

Your sexual energy is your life-force and when it is not fully activated it can effect you in all areas of your life. This includes health, emotional wellbeing, relationships, intimacy, work and finances. There are many things that can effect our libido including medications, hormones, stress, and sleep deprivation as well as physical and emotional challenges we may be experiencing.
It’s important to feed our body the right foods and have a healthy diet as well as introducing supplements that can improve your energy and libido such as macca and spirilina. This is attributed to the fact that we are often depleted so it’s really time to get back to nurturing yourself. This can be achieved by connecting to your heart through mediation and by exploring your own body through regular self pleasuring. The other key ingredient is learning to breathe to open up the energy centres (chakras) in the body to allow the energy to flow through. This combined with specific exercises makes a huge difference. These last two practices actually teaches you to awaken your body.

 

Now contributing monthly as an ‘InShape News Columnist’ www.inshapenewsflash.com


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