BDSM Series



Part 6 of 7:


MY TURN:  So after I dash off to the bathroom full of nerves, I come back into the main room and I can tell you I am shaking. I didn’t have to do it, no-one forced me, it was an opportunity to step way outside my comfort zone and experience something I’d never ever have a chance to do again, because I knew there would be no way, I’d ever go back to one of these clubs again.  For me, when you step through fear, there is growth & I’ve been doing plenty of that these last few years, so here I am in middle of the room, with a crowd milling around to watch.  Rope man checks in with me if I’m ok and I tell him “that I don’t want a hood on” and he was fine with that. He said it was just for me to experience it and that he would check in with me every step of the way and if I wanted it stopped he would do so immediately. Amazingly I felt very comfortable with him, his energy and that I was safe and that I had my friends watching out for me, every step of the way……so with me literally shaking in my boots…..he started tying ropes around and around me, starting with wrapping rope around my body above my breasts, then over my breasts and under them, each time putting clips on to hang ropes off. I just had my eyes shut…..and breathed like I have never breathed before…..thank goodness for knowing how to still myself and my breath.


A few times I started shaking and I just stilled myself and kept breathing. After he tied these ropes around me he walked behind me and put his hands on my shoulders and encouraged me to lean back onto him. This is when I felt the tension from the ropes around my ribs, it was a little uncomfortable and tight, like a pressure feeling, but not painful and he said once my body was horizontal it would distribute the tension and it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable. So next he ties ropes around my waist and my hips and ties them all off to the suspension unit. Every step of the way he’s checking in with me and before I know it I’m hoisted off the ground and I’m horizontal to the floor, with my head dangling back! Then he’s tying ropes around my ankles as well and I’m kinda dangling there like a human swing!


IN THE ZONE:  At this stage I’m actually in my own zone and am feeling really relaxed all things considered. It was quite disconcerting initially hearing a male submissive on the cross behind me, screaming and crying, I believe at that stage he was being tickled with feathers, after being caned, anyway it was so good that I could go into my own zone so easily. He checked on me and started to swing me just a little and turn me around. Then he started to take me down and began untying the ropes and gradually lowered me down. Once he started taking the ropes off the pressure started building around my rib cage and it did get painful, however I knew it would only be for a few seconds. I was finally standing upright as he took the last of the ropes off and he was asking me if I was ok and then the ropes were off and he gave me a big giant hug!


WOW!!!! Is all I can say, what an incredible experience and I felt really high afterwards, so I guess some sort of adrenalin kicked into my system. It felt like the whole thing took at least half an hour or more, yet I was told I was actually only suspended for about 5 minutes!………I do feel compelled to mention that I was sober for the whole evening as I rarely drink alcohol……So what’s it all about this BDSM?…….continued part 7 of 7…..



Part 5 of 7


FETISHES:  There was a man there dressed as a mere cat….this was his fetish. Had a bit of a conversation with him about it and people would go past and scratch him behind the ear or rub his tummy and he’d literally purr like a cat, it was bizarre but probably the most sane thing going on there! The mere cat man, told me how he used to make his costumes and thought he was an outcast and then found out that there were a whole lot of people like him out in the world, so he felt a lot better. There was also another man there who had a full latex suit with a hood on under his clothing and yep, that was his fetish…..didn’t talk to him though.


HARD LIMITS:  I did have some very good conversations with quite a lot of them about it all. Had a great chat with a young man who was fairly new at being a submissive and so discussed what that was like for him and it was really quite interesting from that perspective. He told me how he got into it and that he also had a new girlfriend who didn’t know about it, so ended up doing some coaching with him around that! We talked about needles, which is something they do, which he said was a “hard limit for him”. Which in basic language means not something he would be prepared to do or try….at this stage and so his Dominatrix is aware of that. I was told that some of them are into carving and drawing blood, thankfully none of that happened on this night…..pretty well all of it, bar the rope suspension was a HARD LIMIT for me and actually made me feel sick if I allowed myself to go there. I was luckily able to be focused and grounded through the night and kept putting up my energetic protections, so I personally felt safe.


OOPS:  Anyway, before I knew it….I kinda put my foot in my mouth, by mentioning to my friend the conversation I’d had with the rope man and his offer of tying me up and suspending me. Not long later I walked back into the kitchen and there were my group I arrived with, talking with the rope man and I said to myself “shit I know what they are talking about!” and then it was said to me “if you want this done it’s got to be now”…..then I got SUPER nervous, took a deep breath and said “ok, let’s give it a go!”……….continuing part 6 of 7…


Part 4 of 7:


A PERFORMANCE:  In the main room a man started preparing the suspension unit. His submissive was kneeling on the floor with her head down and he slid a black hood over her face. She was stood up and the rope started to be tied around her body and before you knew it, she was hanging upside down and the man whispered to her every now and then and did a few token gropes with her, however as an observer it just didn’t feel sexual to me at all. Well none of what I saw that night did for that matter. It was fascinating to watch and she didn’t appear to be in any pain. I had seen Shibari rope tying and suspension previously in a show some time ago and it was fascinating to watch as a show with laser lights and music pumping, but this seemed kind of different, surreal almost, just in the middle of the room. It wasn’t Shibari, it was a different type of rope thing, but still being tied up and hung from the suspension unit.


Later on, I ended up having a deep conversation with them and heard their story and I asked her lots of questions. Like did the ropes hurt and was it an orgiastic experience for her? She told me it didn’t hurt and that it wasn’t really sexual for her….They were actually really quite nice and he actually had a lovely soft and gentle energy, which was I guess surprising. I found out later that they play more seriously at other venues where they actually use hooks into the back……doesn’t bare thinking about.  He offered to tie me up and suspend me if I liked and I was a bit shocked and more or less muttered a ” thank you and an I don’t think so in one breath!”


And so the evening went on with lots going on and I felt at ease, believe it or not however quite challenged with what was happening and what was being done and so when I felt like that, I just took a breath and went outside to the fire. Like I did after walking in on one of the submissives with his dominatrix and a few people laughing. Then I saw what they were laughing at, his penis was being pegged! Yes I twinged and I’m not a bloke….and yes, I went straight back out to the fire, just shuddering at the thought.


REALLY?  I of course went into the “How can anyone possibly enjoy that?” to “why would people want to do some of these weird and tortuous things to themselves” and then I stopped that. I mean who am I to judge how some people live their lives. It’s their thing, it’s certainly not mine and at the end of the day they were pleasant to chat with. There was no drugs, there was respect and care all around as far as I could see and and no-one was getting outrageously drunk. I wasn’t there to physco analyze, I was there out of curiosity, to observe, experience & ask lots of questions. Not for one minute did I ever think that this would be something I’d be getting into ever, I was just being as open as I possibly could be, under the circumstances and at that point, I didn’t realise what I was about to walk into……continuing part 5 of 7



Part 3 of 7


SO IT BEGINS:  After awhile people started getting I guess a little frisky and started to “play” with the equipment. The first thing I noticed was that a woman had stripped down to her stockings and boots and was tied to the cross. Her partner had 2 whips like cat of 9 tails and was hitting her in a fairly gentle and fluid manner on her butt. I watched for a couple of minutes and then saw what looked like from a distance and with bad eye sight, that he was carving her back and that totally freaked me out because I wasn’t sure if he was actually cutting her, so I left and went outside.


I asked my host about that and was told it was a pinwheel which was then whipped out of a bag and I was shown this weird instrument and was asked if he could run it across my back. It felt kind of erotic, sort of tickly, sort of borderline ouchy and I was told that it had different levels. Of course if you butt had been hit and was black & blue then it would hurt…..ah yeah, I think so.


ELECTRIC:  After awhile I wandered back in and poked my head in the doorway of the dungeon and another woman was bent over the horse getting her butt hit with a paddle, so I walked away and stuck my head into the playroom to see what was going on. There I found a woman naked on her belly, stretched out on the bed and a man was running this thing over her which was sort of zapping her. There was another man giving him instructions and a few people watching. I was curious as to what it was, so asked what they were doing and what it was……It was called a Violet Wand and it did give electric currents. I of course asked “if it hurt” and was told “not really, here try it on your arm”. So I gingerly held my arm out and he put it on me and it basically felt like a hundred tattoo needles going off at once…..hmmm yeah I don’t think so, not for me!


VERY CHALLENGED:  I actually felt really challenged with seeing people being hit and having pain inflicted on them. This is not how I view love and from my perspective I couldn’t see any orgiastic pleasure in any of it, so I was having trouble understanding how this could be a good thing. I had asked my host previously if people actually had sex there, to which he replied “very rarely”.  Damm, there I was hoping to be thrown up against the wall by some god like specimen in a mask…..ha ha, not to be, that’ll have to be saved for fantasy night! (just kidding).


So as I mentioned, people were starting to get into it and then it appeared to be show time, right there in the main red room………continuing part 4 of 7…..


Part 2 of 7

OUR ARRIVAL: So we get out of the car and the first thing my host does is attach chains to the loops on the collars around the girls necks and as he holds the chains and their hands we walk up an alley and in through the back gate.


We pay our money and our names are ticked off a list and I’m introduced as a visitor and the gate keeper welcomes me and says something to my host which kind of implied that he would be looking after me for the evening.  So, in we go……  a few introductions are made to a bunch of people who looked fairly “normal” and the women are dressed in similar clothing to what I’m in and the men are wearing lots of black as well and the tour of the venue is made.


THE GRAND TOUR: The first thing I notice is that practically the whole house is painted red and was very beautifully decorated as well as being kind of kitsch in its decor & of course themed with bondage style artworks.  The lounge room had a very large St Andrews cross in one corner where submissives are tied to and a suspension unit in the middle of the ceiling.  There was another room, called the blue room which was known as the recovery room, for anyone needing some space or nurturing after a session and was where you could leave your coats.  At that stage it was full of people hanging out, but I was assured if someone was needing space or nurturing it would be cleared very quickly.


Then there was another room called the dungeon, that had something called a “horse” which is where you bend over and get your butt hit with a selection of implements and then there was a rack which you could get stretched on……The next room was called “the play room” with a giant bed with plastic sheets and a large box, like a coffin almost…….don’t know what that was for, I suspect if you were misbehaving you were put there, anyway didn’t really need to know.  The rules were if the door was shut then there was something specific and private happening, otherwise it was a free for all to wander around and look.


CHATTING & PORN:  We then wandered back out and socialised some more and I’m feeling really uncomfortable, a little out of place and nervous as I absorb everything around me.  I started chatting with a few people and they were quite friendly and open with everything. On the wall in the main room where the cross and suspension unit are, is a DVD playing continual BDSM porn, which was very full on.  Whilst I’d look at it every now and then mainly because it was hard to ignore it, there was plenty of other stuff going on that I was attempting to ignore at the same time!  It was pretty full on what was being shown and I was fairly mortified with most of what was being shown, which certainly didn’t look like fun, or sexual for that matter.  It has been a very very long time since I’ve seen any form of porn and this was a very different type of porn, that’s for sure.  I’m not going to go into detail here what was on the DVD……….however I will tell you what I did see……..continued part 3 of 7


Part 1 of 7

EXPLANATION:   I’ll admit it, I loved reading 50 shades of Grey, it was erotic, sensual, romantic, titillating, adventurous, exciting, lustful, slightly dangerous and love won over in the end.  Do not be confused or fooled, the reality of the BDSM and kink world is nothing like how it is conveyed in the book, so enter with care, just as I did…..

For those of you who don’t know me, I work as an Intimacy & Sexuality Coach, Practitioner & Healer. I am about love, light, energy, healing, transformation and empowering your sexuality in a beautiful and positive way so you can live a rich and wonderfully intimate life.

WELCOME TO THE BDSM SCENE:  So imagine for a moment spending the weekend in someone’s home who is not only into the BDSM kink scene but also lives in a polyamory relationship (with 2 women at the same time) in what is called a Triad.

Well that’s exactly what I did and let me tell you, it was certainly stepping way outside my comfort zone. I mean, I did read the series 50 Shades of Grey and had a little bit of basic knowledge, but let’s face it, it is not my world in any shape or form, so I really had no idea what to expect. For me it’s all about pleasure, being more into a Tantric way of living and working and living in the light with love and beautiful energy. Pain is not something I’m into, however the opportunity presented and admittedly I was naive and I was curious….

MY ARRIVAL:  So I arrive at my business associates home and am introduced to his 2 girls and we sit at the table making small talk over a cup of tea. I’m a little nervous and I think the girls were a little bit too. For me it was not about judgment from me, it was about being accepting of what is their world. I started to notice a few things. One of the girls had a black collar with a round loop attached to it around her neck and every time they wanted to do something they asked “please sir, can I go to the bathroom” or “please sir, can I turn the heating on”.

So I had organised a business meeting and event which didn’t happen, the fares were booked, so I thought I’d go anyway and explore a city I’d never been to….and I had been invited to an exclusive private BDSM night! At first I thought it would be some flash nightclub in the city however soon realised after arriving that this was not the case. It was a private party in a private residence which was not lived in by the owners, but was set up exclusively for these type of nights.

DRESS UP TIME:  Well I totally love the idea of a dress up, however this nights dress up had a more serious side to it. So there I am dressed in the appropriate black for the evening – corset, stockings, suspenders, boots…..yeah you get the idea & I head off with my group of 3 into the night. I was really feeling like, holy crap what the hell am I getting into here and I was feeling very nervous. I did have my credit card and money and knew if I didn’t like it or the energy was terrible, I’d call a cab and head back to where I was staying………..continued – part 2 of 7 out tomorrow……

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