DIS-ENGAGE AND DISCONNECT
We also disconnect from ourselves due to shame and guilt, from previous experiences, perhaps one of them being busted for masturbating by a parent when we were young or a partner and made to feel guilty by our partner, because “they” should be enough. We also disconnect because we can’t handle to much pleasure, (crazy, I know), so we block and limit ourselves.
We also disconnect from our sexual experience if we watch too much porn. When we engage
with porn on a consistent basis we are externalizing, which disconnects us from ourselves. There are ways to utilize porn in your sexual play where you can stay connected to yourself.
We not only disconnect from our bodies, we also create a massive disconnection from our hearts and genitals, it’s almost like they come from 2 different locations
So how does this disconnection effect us?
What it does is keeps us in our heads, which doesn’t allow the natural sexual energy to flow.
Sex has become goal orientated and action driven and everyone wants a bigger, better, more potent sexual experience than the last time.
If we looked at a graph for sex, at one end would be Joy and Bliss and at the other end there would be excitement. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, however there is a lot of pleasure being missed out on in between because we are all busy in our heads, consciously or sub-consciously going through our check lists.
We’re planning what we are going to do next. We’re busy focusing on what we are doing instead of focusing on the experience.
As a society we are always chasing more and in sex it’s no different. Sex is an energy and when we learn how to manipulate the energy, we can take our erotic pleasure beyond anything we can even imagine!
Most people focus on genital, friction based sex which is fantastic. Some people are better at it than others and require some guidance and there is always more you can learn. We also become creatures of habits in our lives and in sex it’s no different. We get into the patterns of liking it in a certain way, a certain position, doing it the same and that’s great for awhile, yet it can also become a bit too familiar, a bit too same, same. That’s when boredom can set in and we can find ourselves in a funk, not really interested in sex as much and then after awhile, our libido can start to drop and it can become a real effort.
What’s going on…?
SEXUAL POTENCY – YES PLEASE, I’LL HAVE SOME OF THAT!
Just for a moment, take some time to think about how you have sex.
– How do you experience it?
– What goes on in your body?
– What feelings and emotions do you feel?
– What thoughts are occurring for you whilst you’re in the middle of it?
– Where is your focus?
That’s quite a bit to think about isn’t it?
Imagine what it would be like to awaken yourself, to be able to experience sex at a level that is beyond your comprehension. Opening yourself to fully engage with your sexuality so that you can reach the sexual potential that is your birth right as a human being.
Would you be willing to do that?
Most people when they are having sex are not connected, grounded or present with themselves let alone their partner. This is a recipe for massive disconnection which then restricts how you and your body engages and responds during a sexual experience.
Many people check out of their bodies when they’re having sex and the reason they do that is varied and is not something we are often conscious of. It can be as simple as a habit; you’re experiencing an orgasm, so you shut your eyes & go off somewhere into the cosmos. There is nothing wrong with doing this, however when your eyes are closed you disconnect from self and your partner. So just open your eyes occasionally, look at your partner, connect. It can also come from lack of self worth and self esteem. On a sub-conscious level we put limits on our sexual pleasure, crazy I know! A woman may think, “oh finally I had one”, so they stop. A man believes he’s done because he’s ejaculated and stops.
Get out of your head..
We are in our heads a lot, wondering what we look like, self consciousness comes into it as well. Maybe a woman doesn’t like going on top because as she bounces around having a good time, so is the rest of her body which makes her feel self conscious, so she’ll disconnect from herself. The reality of it is the person underneath you doesn’t care, they are loving it. Guys on a sub-conscious level are wondering if they are good enough, man enough, if their penis enough, can they get the woman to orgasm…it’s like a mission and we end up with a whole lot of “to do lists” of got to do this, before we can do that and so it’s like this eternal search for more.
So while all this is going on….
In this interview I talk with Special Guest, The Pussy Talks: The Production of Peace on Earth Founder, Mukee Okan.
Mukee Okan is the creator of The Pussy Talks™ and is the embodiment of what life looks like when humanity is free from sexual shame.
In this episode, we talked about what The Pussy Talks is all about. Which is
• Enhancing the sexual well being of humanity.
• That is possible being at peace with the power of sex
• What is possible for you, your life, your relationships?
• How your sexual energy is your most potent and natural healing medicine
A documentary with a Very Big difference?
The documentary shows up close footage of women’s vulva’s with the woman talking about her pussy and her relationship to it as well as asking what her pussy would like to say. It’s incredible on many levels as women connect to their genitals, feel into their experience and share from a very personal and sometimes vulnerable place.
The beauty with this documentary is that it shows the varieties of women’s vulvas and how each has their own individuality in relation to what their inner labia looks like and their clitoris.
Listen to the Replay – http://tobtr.com/9846713
Download the Full Episode – http://www.blogtalkradio.com/…/the-intimacy-whisperer-with-…
I believe everyone who watches the pussy talks will learn a great deal, not only about “pussy’s”, they will also have huge takeaways about their own relationship to vulvas’s, whether it’s their own or others in general.
For more information about this please go to http://thepussytalks.com/view-movie/
A Shamanic Native American Indian Teaching
I also ask about Mukee’s role as a teacher of the Quodoshka teachings and what it’s all about. Quodoshka is a matriarchal shamanic lineage, teaching which in essence is the understanding of how our sexual energy is our life force.
Quodoshka 1 is based on what was the rights of passage for young boys and girls transitioning into adult women and men and focuses on self. Learning to let go of past experiences.
Quodoshka 2 is more about the balance of the masculine and the feminine within and without, not your sexual preference. It’s about relating to the receptive and active side in relating to the world. Learning to let go of the future focus and the angry man and woman.
Quodoshka 3 is how you function in relationship and laying aside the past and future and being present with your partner and yourself in all aspects of your being.
The Quodoshka teachings are worldwide and have been taught for over 30 years.
We also discussed her being a part of the Institute of Professional Surrogates Association in California and what this role entails as a therapist, involving sensate focus practices.
Mukee has over 30 years experience in the areas of sex, sex education, coaching and is a wealth of information. It was such an honour to talk with her this morning and I am very grateful for having met Mukee in 2009 at a Quodoshka workshop, which had a profound effect on me and put me on this path that I am currently on as a sexual educator and coach.
It is a fabulous conversation!
Listen to the Replay – http://tobtr.com/9846713
Download the Full Episode – http://www.blogtalkradio.com/…/the-intimacy-whisperer-with-…
In this Virgin Premiere show I interview Aleena Aspley, who is a Somatic Sexologist and the owner of Kinkassage®.
Here’s the link: http://tobtr.com/9754653 (please note there a few ads at the start)
So was I and I wanted to explore with Aleena a little bit about her world and how she brings this to her clients. She incorporates the Kink & Bondage worlds with erotic massage all designed to open the client up to experiencing pleasure in ways they have not experienced it before.
We talk in depth about her business and what’s involved with her work. What I love about this interview is that our conversation is so natural and just flows. We both just happen to work in the world of intimacy and sex and it’s all just another day for us.
This was definately an intriguing, steamy and thought provoking episode with an honest and open discussion about sex.
In this episode, learn;
• What Kinkassage® and Domme Kinkassage® is?
• BDSM & Kink is all about in all it’s forms
• The mindset of those involved in BDSM & Kink.
• How men can be multi orgasmic
We also discuss how people can start playing in this area at home and provide some great starting points which include:
– How to play safely
– How communication is essential
– How to discuss your requirements as the receiver and giver
– Being clear with your agreements
If these guidelines are not set up then trust cannot be there and this is paramount for this type of play.
We also talk about how the person receiving can go into a very altered state and how important the after care is.
So have I sparked your interest? Do you want to find out more?
Well dive in and have a listen to this interview: http://tobtr.com/9754653 (please note there a few ads at the start)
Let me know what you think?
What I love about this interview is that:
– We talk so openly about sex in all aspects
– We could explore the world of BDSM & Kink and talk about different aspects of that
– That we were able to provide some guidelines to begin these practices at home safely
– We talked about the fact that men can be multi orgasmic and what that looks like
– Plus we touched on a few other topics as well!
Have a listen and then let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your feedback.
Next interview will be announced shortly on Facebook and will be live on Tuesday, 31st January at 9am Qld time and 3pm USA.
PS: If there are any topics you’d like discussed, please let me know. And if you have someone you think that would be great for me to interview, please also let me know. xx
HOW TO HAVE EVEN MORE FUN WITH YOUR WOMAN
There really is so much more to turning your woman on than just rubbing away in that one spot & going in & out…in & out…in & out…
In this really fun workshop you will:
* Become empowered with your exploration of the feminine
* Learn what really turns us on
* Have a better understanding of the female anatomy and how to turn us on in ways they didn’t know were possible!
* Learn heaps of sexy cool things you can do to bring more intimacy and more arousal for both of you
* Go hunting & find where that Gspot is hiding & tips to awaken it
* Find out some amazing techniques for giving your woman the most mind blowing oral sex ever, that will have her begging you for more
Plus learn some new techniques to bring more arousal to your own body
Plus all your questions around sex answered and so much more!
There will be no nudity or sexually explicit practice, however you will need to bring a towel 🙂
Bookings essential: AMAZING VALUE AT ONLY $69.00
Book via Eventbrite: http://pussyplay.eventbrite.com.au
Well it’s true sex headaches exist and it’s not the old saying of “honey, not tonight, I’ve got a headache”.
Sex headaches can be completely debilitating and there are 2 types of sex headaches. It can start as a dull ache in the head and neck which can intensify as sexual excitement increases. Or it can be a sudden severe throbbing headache that occurs just before or at orgasm. Unfortunately, sometimes both types can occur at once. These headaches can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours and in extreme cases several days.
This would be enough to put anyone off having sex!
What Can You Do About it?
If this is occurring the first thing to do is to see a doctor so they can run tests to ensure that there is no bleeding from the brain or any other problems with the vessels in the brain.
Other contributing causes can be glaucoma, strokes, coronary arterial dysfunction and sinus infections.
Other side symptoms can be vomiting, visual and sensory loss and motor disturbances.
What Things Put You at Potential Risk?
Some of the risk factors can be obesity, stress, migraine history, history of arterial disease, marijuana, amyl nitrate and some other drugs can contribute as well as obesity.
What can be done?
How can you treat these awful sex headaches. Well conventional medicine will give you a range of medications which may or may not help.
When I’ve been presented with this problem, I look at the person’s history, when it started to see if there are emotional patterns that are contributing as well as any history of surgeries, injuries or falls and what condition the neck and tail bone are in. There could potentially be internal adhesions which can travel from the site of injury through layers of muscle and tissues and can attach to ligaments, joints, fascia and tendons. These can create all sorts of issues within the body and could be a contributing factor.
How do they express their orgasm?
I would also want to know the sexual and orgasmic history. Most people, when they orgasm, clench their jaw, hold their breath and tighten their body. I would look at teaching how to connect more into the sexual energy using breath and movement to allow the body to open more rather than contract, which will allow the blood to flow through the body as well as allowing the sexual energy to flow more.
Get in The Body and not the Head
When you learn to connect into your body more, you become more present and aware which can help you to see how you are blocking the flow of energy and this will reduce the “sex headaches” and alleviate them all together.
If you experience this problem, please connect with me Intimacy Whisperer ®
Saving your sex life after have a baby can be a challenge. Suddenly you are a mum and have new demands on you and your body. Your relationship to your sexuality changes and your focus is solely on your baby. You have days where you are exhausted and don’t even get to have a shower, let alone get dressed. These are things that are going to contribute to you not feeling interested, let alone sexy.
Some of the challenges you may be experiencing
* Hormones all over the place
* Sleep deprived
* Disconnected from your partner
* Possible prolapse
* Scar tissue from having an episotomy or an C-section and other birth injuries
* Traumatic or painful birth
* Breast feeding problems
* Complete lack of libido
* Birth plan, not going to plan
What About Including Sex in your Birth Plan
It would be fantastic if part of the birth plan was to have a discussion around how to remain intimate and reconnect sexually after baby, but for some reason that is usually completely over looked by everyone.
Feeling Left Out
Your partner is possibly feeling a little excluded and confused as well. He wants to have sex but is scared it will hurt you. Maybe you’ve tried to have sex and it was painful, so you’re scared to go there again. (Please do not put up with having painful sex, this can complicate things further down the track and you may need to see a Sexological Body worker). Also when a new baby arrives, mums are usually consumed with them and so your conversations with your partner are solely about baby things and not much else.
How to get passed the problem
The first thing is to acknowledge how you are both feeling and to talk about it. It might not fix the situation but at least it’s being discussed and not ignored. This way both partner’s feel they are being heard. Often women want to have intimacy and sex, but something has shifted and they don’t want it the same way they used to any more. It’s important to be able to talk about all of these things and to actually say what you are wanting. Often it’s a good idea to take penetrative sex off the table for awhile and also have less focus on orgasm and ejaculation and look at new ways to connect and slowly rebuild the intimacy again which will then lead to penetrative sex when the time is right.
Sometims you have to work at re-creating intimacy
Don’t dump on your partner the minute they get home, you may have had a tough day and be lacking sleep however they possibly are also lacking sleep and have had a stressful day out in the world working at what they do. Give them space too to unwind from their day before asking for help. Create space to connect together – have a big heart felt hug. Breathe together and discuss what works for you, what you require and create agreements about how to move forward with ease and grace
Sex has become goal orientated and action driven and everyone wants a bigger, better, more potent sexual experience than the last time. As a society we are always chasing more and in sex it’s no different. Sex is an energy and when we learn how to manipulate the energy, you can go on one hell of a ride!
My Top 6 Tips To Becoming More Orgasmic
1. Get out of our head and connect into your body and allow the energy to direct you. Close your eyes, take a few breaths into your heart space. Scan your entire body from your feet all the way to the top of the head. This immediately grounds you, connects you to self and gets you out of your head.
Understand some of the key aspects of how your arousal system works
2. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and its sole purpose is for pleasure! So get to know it fully. There’s are 3 parts to the clitoris, the head and hood, the shaft which sits behind the head, which when aroused becomes hard, like a mini penis and the legs which are shaped like a wishbone and sit deep below the outer labia.
There are loads of pleasure spots in the vagina
3. Become familiar with the whole vulva,as there are many spots on the vaginal wall that are pleasurable, including the Gspot. There are many other areas of pleasure spots however these are the key ones.
4. Get breathing! Start playing with your breath at times. Bring in some fast breaths through the mouth to ramp up your system and do a few slow deep, sighing breaths to bring it back down. This opens your body to experience and expand your orgasmic experience.
5. Squeeze your pelvic floor muscles in when you fast breathe. This helps move the sexual energy through the body, which makes for a more orgasmic experience.
6. Don’t contract when you orgasm, open your body up more to allow the energy to move freely through you. When you are contracted, it’s got nowhere to go.
No 1 Thing They Want is Respect!
They want to feel respected and honoured and know they are being heard. When they feel these things, they feel empowered as a man. When a man is feeling acknowledged, then nothing stops them from being the best they can be for themselves first and then for their partner.
And yeah, they still do want sex!
I know plenty of women that are looking for these qualities in their relationships too, so why is it that there is such disharmony in our relating?
I think there is too much demand on expectations loaded up with a ton of judgement and a lot of immature thinking. We aren’t taught how to relate, how to behave and learn by social media and many other avenues, including porn.
What We All Want
It all starts with self, how would we like to be treated? Then actually treating your partner in the same way. They desire respect, so do we, so behave respectfully, be in integrity.
I read an article where it said that men would rather have their wives love them less than disrespect them and that research also showed according to S. Feldhahn, that respect is men’s main concern.
I find the first part of that statement, completely ridiculous. Who really would want their partner to love them less for any reasons, whether it’s to receive respect, acknowledgement and true communication.
We all are desiring love, intimacy and connection and without communication, we don’t really gain any of these things for “real” relating.
Let’s Get Real
So how about we put away our fear, show our true selves, including our vulnerability, be in our truth, even when it’s tough and speak from our hearts. When we speak from our hearts, then “real” relating can occur and everyone wins!
We all want to be seen, heard & loved…
Ultimately, we all want to be in relationships that uplift, inspire, co-contribute and bring us joy and happiness.
Statistics are showing that 15-20% of relationships are now being classed as sexless s with couples having sex less than 10 times a year! 1 in 2.3 marriages end in divorce and 3 out of 10 relationships are happy.
What that indicates to me is that part of the problem is that there is not a lot of sex going on because without good communication, there is no real intimacy and without intimacy there is no sex.
So the opposite of that is having lots of sex which would imply that communication and connection is great, which results in more frequency of sex or sexual connection. I think there is too much emphasis on sex, as in sex equals intercourse.
There is a lot more to sex than just that!
When couples can be present with each other, they can connect and build more intimacy which will often lead to having more sex. Let’s face it great sex is good fun and good for you. Sex creates happy endorphins and allows your sexual energy to move through the body. Unfortunately many couples allow the business of life to get in the way of having regular sex and it moves to the bottom of the pile and can become a chore. If however, you keep sex as a priority then everything flows because when you feed your sexual hungers, you feed your soul and you feed your life force.
When you step out of your mind – amazing things can flow
The only time it can be a real problem is when one partner has a higher libido than the other and so then there needs to be real conversations around that as to how they can move happily forward together. The other times it can be a problem is if having lots of sex is their only way of connecting, the only way they can feel love or good about themselves. If it’s coming from just the physicality of the experience, then the partner is not connected to their body, or to their heart and genitals which will then of course mean they are not really connected to their partner and using sex for a gratification purpose only, which can result in addictive patterning.