Communication and Sex
Statistics show that people who communicate about sex have better sex lives. So if something is not working for you in the bedroom it’s so important to talk about it. Firstly it is empowering to yourself to speak up about what you like and don’t like because ultimately it is about you. If you continue to allow sexual behaviour to unfold that you don’t enjoy then you are disempowering yourself and that will create a whole series of complications that will show up in other areas of your relationship and life.
Good clear communication with your partner can be tricky at times and then when you want to add in discussion around sex it can get even trickier. Yet it doesn’t have to be this way.
The ideal way in any relationship is to make agreements with your partner that you will have clear communication at all times no matter what. Otherwise when you don’t, any problems, including any sexual challenges get stored up into a back log of things that aren’t working for you and then something pushes your button and the dam bursts.
Most sexual relationships no matter how fantastic they are in the beginning, unless you work at your sexual relationship, things can fairly easily fall into a rut and you stick to the same moves and patterns and then you start to wonder why sex has become boring.
SO WHAT ARE THE APPROACHES?
The first one is when you are actually having sex. This has to be done in a sensitive and empowering way. For example a specific move may be happening where fingers are touching you in a certain way that are really pushing your buttons & making you feel super turned on, so you can voice that by saying “oh wow, that feels fantastic, don’t stop” or “I love it when you do that” & you can add to that to now rub me here, yeah” and guide their hand. They won’t be offended because you are obviously enjoying it and moving your body and making appropriate yummy sounds. If you are not enjoying something, you need to tell them gently by saying “a little softer right now” or tell them “that it’s hurting a little bit or you’re not comfortable” Another way around that is to just gently take their hand and guide them where you want to be touched.
If you find that your partner is not pressing the right buttons for you, you can’t really say I don’t like that or that’s not working for me as you have to be mindful of their feelings. The best way to communicate with sex is to show them what you like as well as expanding the different approaches and techniques that you use.
A fantastic way for gathering insight into your partner is to watch them self pleasure. That doesn’t mean jumping in and joining them when you get turned on, it’s about holding space for them. From watching your partner self pleasure I guarantee it will open you up to new ways of turning them on and you will find moves they do that you haven’t even considered doing before.
MAKE A DATE TO TALK
How often when you hear your partner say, “we need to talk” do you cringe or go into a panic of “what’s wrong”. So it’s important to pick the right time, not straight after sex and one where you can have no interruptions and have focused conversation.
Again, it’s how you communicate, so it’s very important to watch your language and ensure you are coming from a place of love, respect and kindness. So if you start off with “our sex life is boring”, well I can guarantee you that will put your partner off side and hurt them. However if you say “I love you and I love our sex life, however I would really like to experience a little more excitement in our sex life”. Then that opens communication as to what that could look like and how that could be played out.
You could get into some role playing which can be very good for a healthy sex life or you could learn how to massage each other erotically and learn some new moves to turn each other on.
The bottom line is once the communication is open, anything is possible including a brilliant, hot, juicy sex life!