How You Can Improve Your Relationship
The basis of any relationship being successful comes down to 2 key factors
The first one is effective communication in relationship and the second one is intimacy & sex. You can’t have a fantastic sex life without effective communication and if you don’t communicate well, then I can guarantee you aren’t going to be having much sex, if at all! So how is your love life? Could it do with some improvement?
With statistics at an all time high of 1 in 2 marriages ending in divorce and 75% of relationships have an affair, it’s time to really look at your own relationship and perhaps, stop ignoring the problem and pretending that it really is fabulous, when perhaps it’s not.
So here’s my top 7 things you can look at to improve your relationship.
1. Communicate & Connect
Talk to each other, not at each other & listen. Take time out in your day to come together and just be, connect, sit with each other. Perhaps you can try this at dinner time. Before you dive into your meal, sit facing each other and look into each other’s eyes for a few minutes, no talking, just being. At first it may seem a bit weird & you’ll probably giggle & feel silly but this is just nerves. Take some deep breaths to get you past that and when you do you will find that you will sink into each other’s energy fields and connect in a deeper way. Then start conversing and notice the difference. The difference will be that you are present with each other. Your attention will be more focused and you will be able to listen to each other.
We often fall into habits and take things for granted. Take time out to acknowledge something about each other and always come from “I” statements. Eg: I really appreciate you cleaning up after dinner after I’ve cooked you a meal. or Thank you for cooking that tonight it was really good.
Think about what you love about them and tell them, often! – Think back to the early days of why you fell in love with that person and make a compliment or tell them something you love about them.
Touch each other, often. When you have physical touch, be it a hug, a kiss, a hand on the back or holding hands when wandering around together it all keeps you connected. When there is none of that you disconnect from each other and from yourself. If you are not doing the basics here, then you probably aren’t having much intimacy & sex, if at all.
5. Common Goals & Interests
It’s important to have some common interests and things that you can work together with. It’s also healthy to have a few separate ones, so find the balance here.
What are your values and beliefs? Are they aligned? What is really important to you and what is a deal breaker. Perhaps this would be a great discussion point where you can list your top 7 values in a relationship and have a discussion around it. You may not match in all your points however it will get you communicating and after all that is one of the most important things, isn’t it? Effective communication in relationship!
7. Intimacy & Sex
Sometimes when we get busy this gets pushed aside and it is so important, as much so as effective communication in your relationship. So if you are doing all the things above then you have a great starting point. It’s great to be spontaneous, but sometimes you have to do a little pre-planning to create and have some intimacy & sex and that’s ok. If you find you are not having sex at all and getting into bed for example to read and then lights out, then maybe look at changing your habits. Read in the lounge room and make getting into bed, just that and then see what unfolds. Have a cuddle instead. Make a date night, take turns to plan something, be creative.
There really is no point in being in a relationship if you are not happy within it and it’s not meeting your needs. Far too many people are just existing inside their relationships because it’s safe, it’s easy, they don’t want to be on their own, yet they are miserable. That is not living, that is not relating, that is not empowering you in any way.
Our relationships often take a back seat to life as we get too busy. Getting up early for work, coming home late, children, yoga, jogging, etc etc and before you know it, it’s the weekend and you have your chores to do errands to run and then your back into the week again. So sometimes you have to just STOP and do a reassessment so that you can make time to be together and hang out.
So what’s happening in your relationship? Has it slipped into ordinary? Is there a communication wedge between you that you don’t know how to get past? Do you want to spark the flame again?
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