What’s normal when it comes to a relationship changing after kids and what might be a red flag that something needs fixing?
There really is no “normal” as everyone is different due to numerous factors.
- How the birth went
- is breast feeding going well or not,
- is the mother getting enough sleep,
- does the mother have energy
- was there an episiotomy or a tear
These are all factors that can contribute to not wanting to regain intimacy in the form of sex.
Red flags would be if there is no desire to resume intimacy after 3-6 months and if there is any pain being experienced once sex is resumed. Pain can be due to stitches and the scar not healing or adhesions or bruising. It can also be due to not being fully aroused as feeling tentative so there is not enough lubrication. Any internal pain can be addressed by a Sexological Body Worker.
How you can make your relationship a priority again and also to get regular sex back on the menu?
Sometimes you need to ease back into it. I think the first step is to regain intimacy – cuddles without an agenda, welcome hugs, holding hands when out, talking, laughing, enjoying a meal together and simply just being in each other’s space.
Once general intimacy is regained then you can move to sexual intimacy. This can be more physical and intimate, yet not go to sex initially. Sometimes taking sex off the table can allow more intimacy, let go of expectation and just enjoy the moment of maybe laying naked together, some light touch, moving to increasing.
What are some little, everyday tips and tricks that will keep your relationship in good health and keep you happy and connected.
I think if you follow the directives from above and ensure there is good communication added in, then things will progress from there. Adding in hanging out in silence together, just being in each other’s space can also be a great way for reconnection.
What advice would you give to expectant parents before their baby arrives?
Most people have a birth plan, yet the one fundamental thing that is never discussed is after the baby, what happens, how do we still have intimacy, sex? I highly recommend people in this stage of their life have some conversations about it. There is often a time of healing for women after birthing, dependant on the birth, the emotions and hormones. Sex might be off the table for awhile, however intimacy and connection can still remain, so what can that look like?