Saving your sex life after have a baby can be a challenge. Suddenly you are a mum and have new demands on you and your body. Your relationship to your sexuality changes and your focus is solely on your baby. You have days where you are exhausted and don’t even get to have a shower, let alone get dressed. These are things that are going to contribute to you not feeling interested, let alone sexy.
Some of the challenges you may be experiencing
* Hormones all over the place
* Sleep deprived
* Confusion
* Guilt
* Disconnected from your partner
* Possible prolapse
* Scar tissue from having an episotomy or an C-section and other birth injuries
* Traumatic or painful birth
* Depression
* Breast feeding problems
* Complete lack of libido
* Fatigue
* Birth plan, not going to plan
What About Including Sex in your Birth Plan
It would be fantastic if part of the birth plan was to have a discussion around how to remain intimate and reconnect sexually after baby, but for some reason that is usually completely over looked by everyone.
Feeling Left Out
Your partner is possibly feeling a little excluded and confused as well. He wants to have sex but is scared it will hurt you. Maybe you’ve tried to have sex and it was painful, so you’re scared to go there again. (Please do not put up with having painful sex, this can complicate things further down the track and you may need to see a Sexological Body worker). Also when a new baby arrives, mums are usually consumed with them and so your conversations with your partner are solely about baby things and not much else.
How to get passed the problem
The first thing is to acknowledge how you are both feeling and to talk about it. It might not fix the situation but at least it’s being discussed and not ignored. This way both partner’s feel they are being heard. Often women want to have intimacy and sex, but something has shifted and they don’t want it the same way they used to any more. It’s important to be able to talk about all of these things and to actually say what you are wanting. Often it’s a good idea to take penetrative sex off the table for awhile and also have less focus on orgasm and ejaculation and look at new ways to connect and slowly rebuild the intimacy again which will then lead to penetrative sex when the time is right.
Sometims you have to work at re-creating intimacy
Finally
Don’t dump on your partner the minute they get home, you may have had a tough day and be lacking sleep however they possibly are also lacking sleep and have had a stressful day out in the world working at what they do. Give them space too to unwind from their day before asking for help. Create space to connect together – have a big heart felt hug. Breathe together and discuss what works for you, what you require and create agreements about how to move forward with ease and grace
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