Two Types of Touch
Whenever there is touch, there are 2 factors, the person doing the touching and the person receiving the touch. You can touch for the other person’s benefit/pleasure or you can touch for your pleasure, how it feels for you.
There are 4 factors in the container of authentic touch. You are doing the touch, they are not doing the touch and it can be for the other person or for yourself.
Giving and Receiving
When You Are Doing touch it’s for the other person. It’s about giving, being in service and coming from a space of connection, appreciation, being useful, a place of devotion, valuing the other person and learning what sort of touch they like.
The receiver is not doing and are expressing that they may be touched and are allowing the touch. They are receiving the gift of being given to by surrendering, receiving the pleasure, being of service, supportive, useful and witnessing and being part of the experience.
You can also be doing the touch for yourself by absorbing the touch, taking it for your experience. This is about being responsible, having integrity and gratitude.
Again the receiver is in a space of not doing, they are receiving the gift of touch through being adored, attended to, supported, nurtured and valued.
An example of giving could be giving your partner head so they can experience it.
An example of absorbing could be doing head on your partner for your benefit of how it feels to do it.
Consent Can Change Every Ten Seconds…
What I mean by that is what is ok, one moment may not be ok the next moment or the next day. Consent for ourselves is about feeling into our body to see if our body wants or desires that type of touch in that moment. We are to conditioned to endure or put up with touch that we may not be enjoying and for some reason through upbringing we have difficulty in saying no, this is not ok, I’m not liking this or simply say STOP. Checking in and communicating is always a great place to start.
Try This With Your Partner or Even a Friend
Here’s an activity you can try around giving and receiving with your partner. Ask for permission and then touch their arm in a way that will feel nice for them. That’s giving.
Then touch their arm for your benefit. How does it feel on your hand, on your finger tips as you run your hand over their arm? With both play with the touch, as in light, firm, whole hand, back of the hand, fingers.
Of course with consent you could apply the same technique to their back or their genitals…
In part 5 of this blog series of 5 we look at another fun activity where we can play with boundaries and explore how to say yes and no.