For those of us in a relationship how often do we do an audit of where our relationship is at? We do it in business – we check the profit & loss, we set targets and goals, yet sadly we don’t often do this in our personal lives.  Even if you are single it’s important to have a check list in place, to see what’s going on.  Do you really want to be single & if not, what are you doing about it? And it’s just as important when you are working for someone, to check in on a regular basis to see if the job is meeting all your requirements.

Yet for some reason, the majority of people think, we meet someone, we connect, we fall in love and it’s happy ever after. Unfortunately we are not educated in one of the most fundamentally important areas of a person’s life which is relationships and so we quite often bumble our way along and whilst things maybe perfect or near perfect in the beginning, we often don’t have the skills to communicate, negotiate and propel our relationships into a future of sustainability with love and all the trimmings.


Sadly the statistics don’t reflect the happy ever after theory either, with 1 in 3 marriages ending in divorce!

So what is the solution? 

Do a relationship audit or checklist.  You can create your own strategies and questions around this.  To maintain a happy, loving and healthy relationship you need to make it a priority to create time together without interruptions so that you can look at your relationship and be in a space where you can talk from your heart without judgement or fear of repercussions.

So if you live a busy life with work you may just have to get together with your diaries and mark out time which is non negotiable to changing dates. This is a time for you to really connect and share and grow your relationship.


Start with splitting your relationship up into a few categories that are relevant for you.  .

 ♥   List 3 major assets that you see in your relationship

 ♥   List 3 major deficits & then look at how you can bring these deficits more into alignment for the both of you.

 ♥   Make a list of all the things that you see they contribute to the relationship as well as a list of what you contribute.

 ♥   Then write another list of what areas they could improve on.

 ♥   Write another list of the qualities and attributes you admire and love at this time about your partner.  Perhaps you can also make mention of areas that you dislike and how it makes you feel.

 ♥   Which of their physical attributes do you like the most and why?

 ♥   What do you most like to do for fun, enjoyment, stimulation and growth?

 ♥   Where do you want to be in 12 months, 2 years and 5 years?

 ♥   List your desires and needs within your relationship?

As you can the list can be endless, so it’s about choosing what is right for you.  It’s about you firstly working out your individual needs and requirements within the relationship and how to communicate it effectively.  Too many times in relationships there is the ‘white elephant’ sitting in the room.  What I mean by that is that there is something not being said or discussed and when this happens the energetic of that sits between you which creates a disharmony  without you even realising it.


Luckily next month, I’ll dive deeper into effective communication and how you can deliver all of this to your partner, even the bits they may not want to hear.

Pauline Ryeland

Intimacy & Sexuality Coach, Educator & Healer

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