RELATIONSHIPS & INTIMACY
WHAT IS LOVE?
The word love is probably one of the most over used words in the English language and can get so misconstrued when in an intimate relationship. It has so many meanings and can have so many attachments to it. How often do you express your love in your intimate relationship by saying “I love you”? Quite often it’s not expressed clearly. We may feel we love our partner but we don’t always express it. It’s also how you express it, saying “I love you” as easily as “what do you want for dinner”, can leave little impact and lose the meaning.
The problem with the word love is that It can mean many different things, depending on how it is expressed. Saying “I love you” to the person you are in a relationship with today can mean something different from the person who expresses, it to something different again to the person who is receiving it. You can say it today and then say it tomorrow and it can have a different meaning.
WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN?
We tend to get caught up with the meaning of love and how it ties in with relationships and intimacy and all the connotations that go with it. What do we really know about love? Is it a feeling or is it an emotion? I read recently that emotions are an unconscious expression; feelings are a conscious expression.
Then when you add the potency of sex into the picture it brings in more confusion.
So how can we define love in relationship? & What about if we have a different view point?
HOW DO YOU SAY “I LOVE YOU”
Yes we can love the person who we are in an intimate relationship with and we can also love our children, our family and our friends. With our partners, we love who they are, how they present and interact in the world, with themselves and us. We love how we feel when we are with them, when they hold us, when they kiss us, when they look that certain way at us and when we walk out into life with them.
Have you ever just loved someone just because, without any expectation, attachment or judgement? Quite often as soon as the “L” word is uttered it can bring with it many expectations and attachments and is that how you truly want to relate with someone you love?
IT’S A GOOD THING TO SAY “I LOVE YOU”
Now don’t get me wrong here, it’s perfectly fine to fall in love and to say “I love you”. It’s how you keep that feeling of love alive in your intimate relationship as you move through time together. It’s also about bringing awareness to it and being present with it and what you are saying and how you say it. If you truly want to express to your partner “I love you” then my suggestion to help create a deeper intimate relationship is to be firstly really present and in a space where you are connecting. This will have far more effect for the deepening of your intimacy that just saying it in a more casual way.
For a relationship to be truly successful you need to firstly stay true to yourself and secondly accept your partner for who they are. When you let go of judgement, you will be surprised at what changes and shifts occur within yourself and within the relationship. Too many times relationships start out a certain way and then someone is trying to change the other and so if that’s the case then you are changing who you allegedly fell in love with. So how does that work? Is that still love or has it shifted to something else?
At the end of the day it’s important to look at our relationships and keep the “love” alive. To continue to care, respect, honour and acknowledge all the things that got you to fall in love in the first place.