We also disconnect from ourselves due to shame and guilt, from previous experiences, perhaps one of them being busted for masturbating by a parent when we were young or a partner and made to feel guilty by our partner, because “they” should be enough. We also disconnect because we can’t handle to much pleasure, (crazy, I know), so we block and limit ourselves.

We also disconnect from our sexual experience if we watch too much porn. When we engage
with porn on a consistent basis we are externalizing, which disconnects us from ourselves. There are ways to utilize porn in your sexual play where you can stay connected to yourself.

We not only disconnect from our bodies, we also create a massive disconnection from our hearts and genitals, it’s almost like they come from 2 different locations

So how does this disconnection effect us?


What it does is keeps us in our heads, which doesn’t allow the natural sexual energy to flow.

Sex has become goal orientated and action driven and everyone wants a bigger, better, more potent sexual experience than the last time.

If we looked at a graph for sex, at one end would be Joy and Bliss and at the other end there would be excitement. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, however there is a lot of pleasure being missed out on in between because we are all busy in our heads, consciously or sub-consciously going through our check lists.

We’re planning what we are going to do next. We’re busy focusing on what we are doing instead of focusing on the experience.

As a society we are always chasing more and in sex it’s no different. Sex is an energy and when we learn how to manipulate the energy, we can take our erotic pleasure beyond anything we can even imagine!



Most people focus on genital, friction based sex which is fantastic. Some people are better at it than others and require some guidance and there is always more you can learn. We also become creatures of habits in our lives and in sex it’s no different. We get into the patterns of liking it in a certain way, a certain position, doing it the same and that’s great for awhile, yet it can also become a bit too familiar, a bit too same, same. That’s when boredom can set in and we can find ourselves in a funk, not really interested in sex as much and then after awhile, our libido can start to drop and it can become a real effort.

What’s going on…?